How can you tell for sure you're Portuguese?

- If you have ever been hit by a "Chinela " (slop) or "Cinto" (belt) or a wooden spoon.
- If you grew up scared by something called "O Velho" (the old man).
- If others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking.
- If you light a candle to the Virgin Mary on the night before a major exam.
- If you use your chin to point something out.
- If you constantly refer to cereal as "con flacs" or pronounc cherios as "she-re-owse".
- If your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you for dinner, even if it's a one bedroom apartment.
- If you can dance "folclore" (popular dance) without music.
- If you use "manteiga" instead of olive oil and can't figure out why your "ancas" (hips) are getting bigger.
- If whenever you feel under the weather, you compulsively rub on some "Vic's vapor rub" all over your "Peito" (chest) and inside your nostrils.
- Your mom packs your "lanche" (snack) every day even though you've just turned thirty-two.
- If you call the corner store " os indianos."
[via e-mail]

Well, I get more and more confused. I'm almost there (i.e. ‘tou quase lá), but I miss a few things. So, I guess I'm not a real Portuguese. Have I already become this thing called "emigra tuga" or even worse, a "haveck"?